For Bill

from For Bill by Helix

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about

“This is a song for Bill.

Bill was the first person in my life to truly believe in me and my skill as a musician, he was one of my first band mates. We played together side by side on stage when only church basements would book us because we were only 15. He was an excellent bassist, electric to watch, even as a kid. However, Bill held a lot of sadness and he did this behind a big bright laugh and smiling bright blue eyes. He didn't want to talk about those types of things ever but he truly was a kid with the world on his shoulders.

We lost touch as we grew older and each went our separate ways. However, last October 2022, out of the blue Bill surprised me and came to see me perform. I cried when I saw him. Here was my past, here was 15, here was that spark that started it all. I hugged him over and over and told him how much it meant to me that he could have come to see. I told him all of the wonderful journeys music has taken me on, how grateful I was for his belief in me all those years ago. That I even met my handsome, talented, amazing husband due to the fact that I never gave up on my dreams. He smiled so big, that smile I always knew and loved and told me how proud he was of me. That meant everything to me to hear that. I walked away from that evening at a loss for words of how lucky I was to see my old friend again.

A month later, I read the crushing news that Bill had died and it felt like the wind was knocked out of me. Bill had taken his own life. You know I ran our conversations over and over in my mind. I should have known, I should have reached out more. So many questions you are left with after that. It's such a dark, confusing place to be in and will always be.

So here is the song for Bill. In my grief this is what I wanted to say and I hope maybe you can connect with it and appreciate for what it is.”
 - Mari Kattman, January 2023

lyrics

I'm left behind
Where did you go, huh?
I'm left behind
Did you go home, huh?
I'm left behind
Where did you go?
I'm left behind
Did you go home?

I'll try to figure it out
Figure it out
I'll try to figure it out
Till I go mad

I'm left behind
Did you lose yourself, huh?
I'm left behind
Did you need me, huh?
I'm left behind
Did you lose yourself out there?
I'm left behind
Did you need a familiar friend?

I'll try to figure it out
Figure it out
I'll try to figure it out
Till I go mad

I'm left behind
Did you come to say goodbye?
I'm left behind
How could I've been so blind, huh?
I'm left behind
I thought I knew you, huh?
I'm left behind

Feel like I failed you.

I'll try to figure it out
Figure it out
I'll try to figure it out
Till I go mad

credits

from For Bill, track released February 3, 2023
Music, Lyrics, Vocals: Mari Kattman
Music, Mixing, Production: Tom Shear

Mastering services graciously donated by Da5id Din @ Corrosive Audio.

license

about

Helix Franklin, Massachusetts

A collaboration between musician Tom Shear (Assemblage 23) & vocalist Mari Kattman (Day Twelve, Mari & The Ghost), Helix is a genre-defying sonic tapestry of electronics, organic elements & haunting vocal harmonies. Trip-hop, dub, dream pop, synth-pop, & lofi combine into a mélange of seductive beats, found sounds, eerie textures, & distant melodies. Sonic cinema for sleepwalkers & insomniacs. ... more

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discography

Unimaginable Stems

May 2024
Unimaginable Place

Feb 2024
For Bill

Feb 2023
Bad Dream

Nov 2021
Helix Remix

Dec 2018
Twin

Aug 2018

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